8 months and 1 day.
I was doing really well for several months, but I've quickly come unraveled in the last couple of days. I'm a mess. Despite the fact that I have a full time job, I feel like I have too much free time. And in this free time I think. And when I think I fall apart. The pain is so strong that I can hardly breathe. My eyes water up....but I don't cry. It is as if I am afraid to let myself let the walls down....afraid that I'll never be put back together again. So instead I sit on top of the wall...teetering...balancing.
My heart feels heavy and empty at the same time. I am so blessed to have Brian. He is such a wonderful husband. But I feel so incomplete. My “baby fever” is back in full swing...and Brian has more than given the thumbs up. But I can't let us try again right now. The economy totally bites. He still has one semester left of school. Having a baby is EXPENSIVE. I'm being too practical. I want our family to grow....one cat and one dog are not cutting it.
I'm an emotional fruit cake right now. Just wanted to let you all know.
